Naughty Natal Report for Elizabeth 
Elizabeth
December 21, 1975
9:31 PM
 
 







Sun in Sagittarius:



Sagittarius - Key words: Born Free, and intends to remain that

       way



   Look fast and you may see a Sagittarian comin' round the

bend, but when you look again, they are gone. This is the

essence of the typical Sagittarian. Don't plan a 13 course meal

for your Sagittarius as they are only 1 or 2 course people, and

when it's time to move on, it is always at a moments notice.

Sagittarians lovemaking partner should be someone who doesn't

take the entire process too seriously, so Mrs. Sagittarius can

put on her pirate outfit and jump from ship to ship yelling Aye,

Matey. What the heck, make it an adventure where the audience

can join in and revel at the moment.

   Everyone knows when a Sagittarius is around or at least in

the room, they are usually drunk and acting very badly before,

during or after everyone else has gone home.

   The greatest Sagittarian attributes are speed of all sorts,

fast and dangerous driving, and new men. A drive in the

country is a farce for Sagittarians, as they go driving so

people can see and admire them, and not the other way around.

   On the job you can always tell the Sagittarians, they are the
ones walking out rather than getting fired, and in business

Sagittarians are very successful (as a rule) because their ego

would not allow any less.

   For the typical Sagittarian, casual love making is a good

night out, or a night on the town. While they are out on the

prowl for whatever their pleasure, the lower the life form they

encounter the better is a general rule to follow. Sagittarians

would make great cowboys, wanderers, street people or gamblers.

   If you are a man WOOING this Sagittarian, a few words of

advice, give them lots of room and freedom, and then let them

go. You may never see this Sagittarian again, but let them go

and see what drifts back in on the tide.

   Be forewarned that Sagittarians by nature are slobs in the

bathroom, and it would be better for Sagittarians in general to

marry a Aries.
   Now when it comes to mother in laws Sagittarius, they take

their lives in their hands when they come over to your home,

because Sagittarians don't take garbage from anyone. A good

social evening with your inlaws Sagittarius would be putting

them in a corner and telling them to stay!

   One of Sagittarius's greatest attributes is divorce, and

anything can start the famous saying rolling off their lips "I

Want A Divorce". Good times or bad, any season, event, day of

the week or minute of the day is the right time, and the prime

time for parting of the old, and starting with someone new.

   A Sagittarian women communicating to the world is like Tarzan

jumping out of a tree, as they have the same impact. They are

loud, argumentative, and have the grace of a Hippo stepping on a
cantaloupe.

   Since the female Sagittarius is so adept at doing two things

at once, she may resemble a robot, with the top part of her body

doing one thing, while the lower half from the hips down is

doing something else.

   You can always tell a Sagittarian woman at a party, they are

the first ones to take their clothes off, and Sagittarian women

can actually scare the hell out of men in the art of making

love. Sagittarians can get carried so far away with lovemaking

that the male of the species would swear they are on the alps as

they open their mouth to yodel.

   What are the Sagittarian womens needs in a man? That's easy,

there are only two specifications: Strong, and Honest.



Moon in Leo:



The Emotions - This is what I really need to be complete.

   "See me? See who I am? Aren't my new shoes pretty?", says the

Moon in Leo native. Everything is done in the style of the great

"showoff" for the Moon in Leo native, including the flowing hair

and the need to be appreciated for any efforts they put forth,

whether deserved or not.

   Anything will offend people with their Moon in Leo, just walk

up to them for no reason and say "What a creep!", and watch them

become unglued. There is a strong need to be an Authority Figure

here, even if they wash dishes for a living, for they have a

natural attitude which I lovingly call the Napoleonic syndrome,

or man holding up his pants. Perhaps Napoleon wasn't holding up

his pants, and if he wasn't, what was he holding up ? HMMM?

   Money is much more important to Moon in Leo people than they

realize, so take a moment and think about it, then accept it.

Okay, time is up.

   Moon in Leo natives have a hidden desire for power which will

leap out when least expected like a tornado headed for a trailer

park, usually with the same intensity.

   For Moon in Leo people the pleasure from love making can be

derived as a side effect from loyalty as well as the physical

manifestation, or love and devotion from others has the same

effect, which really turns them on.

   While on a date with a Moon in Leo person, expect them to

jump up on any stage and grab the microphone, even if there is

no stage, or microphone. You might say Moon in Leo natives are

just a little bit insecure and need attention, or perhaps they

are trying to be fashionable.

   Moon in Leo natives see everything revolving around them,

with them as the center, just as the sun is the center of the

Universe. I knew it had to be someones fault.

   It is extremely easy to spot the emotionally unhappy Moon in

Leo native, either they are flat on their backs because their

back has gone out, or they are suffering chest pains from

excessive stress.

   People with this placement tend to dominate others with all

of the grace and finesse of Hagar the Horrible (Cartoon

Character in the funny papers).

   While in the home of a Moon in Leo person, expect to have a

tour guide take you around to show off all of the artwork and

other meaningless articles which are bound to be strewn about

waiting to adored. You might even see the Moon in Leo native

themselves struting around as well, in full fanciful garb who

seems to fit into the decor, waiting for equal adoration.



Mercury in Capricorn:



  Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends

to the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we talk

about, and what we think about. Bearing that in mind, here is

what they are apt to think and talk about.



  Here is the computer memory that pays attention to all

details, even though they do not know how to operate a computer.

This is the person you need to see to all of those fine

finishing points in projects. For goodness sakes, learn how to

laugh, and get a sense of humor Mercury in Capricorn! Actually

they do have a sense of humor, they are the people who get a

kick out of telling you that your loan has been turned down.

I'll bet this native has problems with constipation and soreness

in body joints. Take a laxative, take two, have a bowel

movement, be happy and lighten up!



   You can easily spot these people behind the wheel of their

cars, they are they ones doing 40 MPH in a 55MPH zone, thinking

they are going too fast! Their speech is so slowed down that you

just know they took diction lessons from Mel Tillis, or they are

going through life in slow motion.



   They would make a great school teacher, you know the kind,

with the pointer in one hand, and student by the hair in the

other. You can tell their classroom at a glance, it is the one

where everyone has fallen asleep out of boredom.



   Foreplay for them is looking at a room of extraordinarily

beautiful women/men doing aerobics and thinking about how much

work they have to do at the office. Here is the constipated mind

at work and play.



   During, before or after making love, they are not verbal,

demonstrative, alive, appreciative, compassionate, passionate,

or physical. They do like to critique the activity though and

give it a passing or failing grade, even though they are unsure

what it is all about.



   Abnormalities in lovemaking for them is breathing, sweating,

yelling "Do it now" at the top of their lungs, or moans, groans

or whimpering.



Venus in Scorpio:



  Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings

satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting

arrows, fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art of

love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:



  Venus in Scorpios idea of foreplay is ripping up the flowers,

throwing the food at you, strangling the Cherubs, and thrusting

themselves on you.



  This sign has all of the romantic sensitivity of a line

foreman on the 68th floor of a skyscraper, and all of the

compassion of a dentist with hydraulic tools who is just going

to do a cleaning, scraping, polishing, filling and extraction,

all within one visit. They have the sensitivity of a linebacker

with jock itch. Sorry folks, it just leaped out of my brain and

onto this paper. I won't say forgive me (I'd be killed for being

mortal) instead I'll just say "SUFFER!"



   Expect to be romancing an animal in heat when being intimate

with Venus in Scorpio. To say this person is selfish in

lovemaking is to also say that Hitler was an overmotivated and

overachieving alter boy.



   This person can make passionate and sometimes painful love to

you, and then punish you for not being able to take it. Anyone

for whips and chains?



   In lovemaking there is all the sensitivity and compassion of

a tornado going through a trailer park. It can split you apart

at the seams and scatter you for miles. You had better find a

concrete basement to hide in until she blows over. Sorry, poor

choice of words.



Mars in Gemini:



  Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw passions

unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons. Actions

desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very

specific, this is how this great bundle of energy is used in the

personal natal chart. This is how that energy interacts with

their surroundings.



  Anything can arouse people with this placement, from kitchen

appliances to sitting on the washing machine during spin cycle

to lights in the far off distance.



  Mars in Gemini people use sarcasm and subtleties to make love

with you. "Hey, it's been 4 days without sex!, lets get to it,

I've got a cake in the oven".



  They have the kind of energy that allows them to make love to

you and then go out and fix the car, and this is the woman! If

you happen to have the car in the bedroom at the same time, this

would be great, because then they can really do 2 things at

once, which they are so good at.



  Love making is an outlet for a screwed up nervous system.

That's a tip, from me to you. This is to be considered an

aspirin for a Gemini.



  When this person plans on sex at a certain time and place,

don't expect them to be anywhere around, as they are as

unreliable/unpredictable as the NY subway.



  The native with this placement gets turned on by thinking

about every Clint Eastwood movie ever made. Their love making

partner had better be prepared to act out a prearranged scenario

set up entirely by them.



  Love turn ons for Mars in Gemini people are: sign language,

body language, or morse code which is flashed at them by a

passing ship. They require a more gentle touch. Being pounced on

by a 300 pound gorilla wouldn't be their particular cup of tea.

They can get so deeply wrapped up in the imaginative part of

lovemaking, that there may not have to be anyone with them at

that particular time to make them truly satisfied.



   Gemini's are great at faking sex acts, and Gemini men are

great at substituting anything but the real thing for male

prowess. Gemini men are also considered perverts, but you didn't

hear that from me.